Confessions of an Australian Barmaid: Introduction

It takes a very special person to become a bartender, and by gosh, there are a lot of us. Some are in it for the money, saving their menial wage and tips to get them through university, or to don their backpack and escape the ho-hum of reality, or to simply keep the backpack on their back in a foreign land. Others like the social side, meeting new people and perfecting the art of alcohol peddling, be it in a pint or with fruit and umbrella on the side. But the most important thing to remember is that no matter the reason for becoming a bartender, we are all still human... or are we?...

A collegue of mine once referred to himself as a BSU - a Beer Serving Unit - and at times it is a little like that. When there's a constant sea of thirsty faces staring at you, eyeing up their drink of choice while secretly critiquing you on your skill, style and speed, it does become a little less 'How's life? Love? What's your poison?' and a little more 'Have your exact order and money ready so we can make this as painless as possible'.

Of course this all depends on the type of establishment you're working in. As most of my experience comes from live music venues and busy cocktail bars service needs to be prompt with at least a hint of a smile. However if it's your local watering hole, pub or sports bar we're speaking of, a drink order is less of a transaction and more of a friend-making exercise. An alcohol-fuelled social experiment if you will.

Either way the bartender will rely on his or her secret powers - more of which you will learn of in coming blogs - to tend to the customer without fuss, without fight, and hopefully with the never obligatory but always endeavoured 'keep the change' at the finish line. It is true, we can be rude, impatient, impersonable, even condescending at times, but there are numerous and varied reasons for this - all valid, and all experienced almost every single night. Not to mention the fact we're most likely tired, hung over and in need of a drink ourselves.

Now depending on said establishment the bartender may have a drink hidden somewhere under the bar, behind the till or already in their blood stream. It's these little tricks of the trade that keep us going, keep us coming back for more.
And then, of course, there's the lifestyle.

The behind-the-scenes.
The afterhours.
The underbelly of the nocturnal few and the secrets only they share.

For behind the taps and glasses, the uniforms and smiles, the nip pourers and ice buckets, is a world of lies, lock-in's, love and torrid affairs that make Melrose Place look like a Hillsongs convention.

In this series I hope to give you a unique look into the hidden world of bartending and afterhours culture that lies beneath every city.
As all is not what it seems.
And it seems there is a lot more fun to be had at work than there should be...